These women quit dating because it’s too traumatising

I’m happy with my life as it is, so the thought of adding someone else’s wants and needs doesn’t appeal to me. I also don’t really have the energy to go through the entire process of looking. Between managing my business, chronic illness and existing relationships I can be exhausted, so adding something new feels daunting. Another reason I’m voluntarily single is I’m not a fan of the new way of dating. I prefer getting to know someone in person before being in a relationship rather than using an app to find a date. I like the idea of developing a relationship more naturally.

I think more heterosexual women are making this choice to remain single, then other demographics. But the fact I’m a straight white female could influence my view on this because it makes me more likely to have similar people in my circles. Women are realising that it was society pressuring them to have a partner, not necessarily their own desires. Similarly, women are no longer viewing motherhood as their foremost life ambition and choosing to remain childless. Women’s rights movements have allowed women to access bank accounts, jobs and property equally, removing the need to rely on men. I mean, I own property and make my own money, so what benefit does having a partner actually bring me?

My last relationship, which is actually my only adult relationship, really, left an impact on me and my views on dating. I got very lost in that relationship and lost contact with my friends, all in this quest to make him happy and be loved by him. I would not go to events with my friends because he didn’t want to come with me and I was so invested in just making him happy that I ignored my needs or wishes. I realised how much I had changed after leaving the relationship and that I should have done it sooner. In fact, it was the 12 months I spent living with my ex after the breakup that made me realise just how unhealthy it was. To stay away from the same mistakes, I stopped dating for a while. Loneliness then made me think of getting into another not-so-good relationship. So I got a dog. My dog fills that companionship role, and in terms of dating, I had some small attempts, but one guy ghosted me because I wanted to chat with him more than I guess he was interested in chatting with me. I cut another attempt short because of personality differences that came out. Since then, my lack of dating has been mostly because I’ve been focusing on other parts of my life.

I’ve seen some quotes floating around that really sum up my view on dating these days, one was from Tracey Ellis Ross; “I would love a relationship that makes my life better than it is. I have no interest in just being in a relationship.”

I think the modern dating scene is a scary place for heterosexual women, not that it’s not scary or dangerous for other people, but there’s something about the growth in influence of men like Andrew Tate that makes it extra dangerous for women.

I’ve been single for over 10 years now and the reality is it’s partially because the risk is not really worth the reward in my mind. But it’s also because I wanted to work on myself so that if I were to meet someone I wanted to spend more time with, it would be addition to my life not trying to fill a void in any way. I get companionship from my dog and friends, I can make my own money, I own my home and well for sexual gratification, sex toys exist, and it’s not a priority. But the reality is the modern world means there is less need for any one to be dating unless they really want to, whatever your gender or sexuality. Independence is more available to us than it has been for other generations.

For more from GLAMOUR’s contributing editor, Chloe Laws, follow her on Instagram @chloegracelaws.