This is how we do it: ‘One of our favourite sex positions is trickier for us now than 50 years ago’

Tony, 76

Changes to your partner’s appearance happen so gradually it’s as though they haven’t happened at all

After 55 years together, I am still obsessed with June’s bottom. If we’re at home alone together, I make a point of stroking it every time I walk past her, because it has such a nice shape. June is 75 now, so her bottom is perhaps not quite so juicy as it once was, but it is still attractive to me.

The curious thing about growing old together is that the changes to your partner’s appearance happen so gradually it’s as though they haven’t happened at all. I find every part of June’s nakedness beautiful, particularly her pubic hair. There’s nothing particularly special about it; it’s just like anybody else’s pubic hair, except it’s hers.

Now we’ve both retired, June and I have developed a new routine. We have sex most mornings but once a week or so I’ll set my alarm clock for 7.30am and pop a Viagra, and then go back to sleep while I wait for the pill to take effect. The Viagra isn’t strictly necessary, but it does make my erections last longer, which is a boon because as we’re not going to work we have time on our hands, and can afford to have sex for much longer. Cuddles lead to vaginal sex, and then oral, and back to vaginal again (not always in that order, mind you – that would be boring). One of our favourite positions is the 69, although that’s a little trickier for us to get into than it was half a century ago. After the sex we like to have a hearty breakfast.

In my 60s I had trouble with my prostate, and at one point I had to wear a colostomy bag. During that period, June and I continued to crave the closeness and warmness of being in bed together, perhaps more so because I was ill. I had a tube coming out of my penis, but June said she didn’t mind having it inside her. She spent a lot of time sitting on top of me, moving slowly and carefully so as not to knock over the bag. Eventually I underwent successful prostate surgery, so June and I could get to having more acrobatic sex.

I think one of the reasons that we’re still having sex like this, well into our 70s, is that we avoid domestic squabbles, particularly about chores (which we split) and money. We have only ever had a joint bank account, and we have never been territorial about who has earned what.

Of course, we do have occasional rows. June can be a little rebarbative at times. Most of the time she gets her way, but I’m happy to concede because usually she turns out to be right. I recognise her faults as no doubt she recognises mine, but still, when I look over at her, I am struck by the fact that I wouldn’t want to be with anyone else on Earth.

June, 75

Sex is a nice break for me: I don’t have to think, I can just be

One of the joys of retirement is morning sex. Tony and I wake up at 8.30am to pee and brush our teeth, and then we tend to get back into bed and have sex until 10am. In life, I am stubborn and single-minded but in bed I like to be submissive. Tony tends to make the decisions about positions and sequencing. He also likes to talk to me in bed but instinctively understands that I’m not interested in talking back. Sex is a nice break for me: I don’t have to think, I can just be.

Over the decades we have tried almost every position so now, rather than experimenting with new moves, we go back to old favourites, like the 69. Entwined like that, body to body, I feel we couldn’t get any closer. In a typical session, Tony will give me multiple orgasms using his fingers, tongue and penis. Of course, we occasionally have to adapt our sex life to accommodate our changing bodies. I have stiff feet and ankles and I don’t want to be on my knees as much as I used to. Sometimes I need to be on my side to feel really comfortable.

In the period when Tony was struggling with his prostate, I tried to avoid letting him see me naked because I knew unplanned erections caused him discomfort. But throughout that difficult time we continued to have sex – gently – partly because we weren’t hung up on the notion that every lovemaking experience had to be entirely perfect.

Something I’ve noticed about my generation is we don’t tend to talk to our friends in detail about our sexual exploits. That can be helpful, because you’re not comparing your sex life to the rose-tinted titbits other people share with you. Sex doesn’t have to be mind-blowing every single time. If you let go of that notion, it allows you to have fun together without crushing expectations.

Tony is very funny and will often make me laugh while we’re in bed together. He really cares that I am enjoying myself, and I love that. We’ve had a very long time to work out how to give each other pleasure and now, in our 70s, we have the freedom to spend every morning putting that expert knowledge to good use.

Would you and your partner like to share the story, anonymously, of your sex life?