Back in January, Tom Allen, 39, took to Cariad Lloyd’s Griefcast to lift the lid on his dad’s death and his guilty conscience.
Paul Allen, 80, suffered a heart attack on a train in December 2021, which the comedian said was a “total shock”.
In the interview, The Apprentice star explained the cause of his father’s death, and how he blamed himself.
He said: “Mum had to say goodbye to him at the station platform.
“But I was on holiday [at the time]…and it was a heart attack… My dad was 80 and, I suppose a lot of people say this, but very sprightly and people would [say], ‘Is your dad really 80?’”
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“He would get up on the roof to fix the satellite dish or like two years ago he fitted their kitchen and he would bring in water softener tablets but carry them in. There was nothing to suggest he was frail.”
Allen then said he didn’t give himself much time to grieve as he went “back to [his] work schedule” as he wanted “to have that distraction”.
He said that he remembered thinking: “Oh gosh, I’m in the studio and dad’s died. It was a very strange feeling of just having to hold it together.”
The 39-year-old then admitted that he has since felt an enormous sense of guilt — brought on by moving out of the family home to live with his boyfriend, Alfie Garston.
“I felt like, this is what happens when you move out of home and get a boyfriend and go on holiday… this is the universe’s retribution,” he said.
Lloyd then went on to assure her podcast guest that his dad’s death was not his fault.
She said: “People just do die, you didn’t do anything. You didn’t step on a crack or not touch wood enough times.
“Death is such an out-of-control thing – especially sudden death – you do look for the little bits.
“We grab onto these things and we’re like, ‘See told you, you can’t have any fun.”
In November 2022, Allen released his memoir, Too Much, which is an emotional tribute to his dad.
You can listen to Tom Allen’s appearance on the Griefcast now.
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