It is very important to have a love language in a relationship. Dr. Gary Chapman’s, the author of The Five Love Languages book, suggests that every person has a love tank. That love tank in a relationship is filled by the frequency of emotional connections and is drained by the ways a couple disconnects. There are probably many little things that fill up your love tank, such as emotional support, help around the house, your partner asking how your day was, weekly dates and so on, but do you know what fills your partner’s love tank? We often show love in the same way that we want to receive it, but that isn’t always the way our partners want to be loved. This is why it’s so important to know your own love language and your partner’s since not everyone communicates or receives love in the same way we do. (Also read: Relationship tips: 4 rituals to deepen intimacy in your relationship)
Popular Therapist and Relationship Coach, Bobbi Banks, shared five love languages that can transform your relationship, in her recent Instagram post.
1. Quality time
Dos:
– Putting your phone away when together
– Listening, engaging & showing interest
– Spending time together in a meaningful way
– Engaging in deeper conversations
Don’ts:
– Being distracted, not present & interrupting
– Postponing dates or complaining about them
– Labelling the other person as “needy”
– Making the conversations one-sided
2. Words of affirmation
Dos:
– Leaving thoughtful handwritten notes
– Giving non-physical compliments & praise
– Sharing reasons why you appreciate them
– Celebrating their successes & accomplishments
Don’ts:
– Long periods without reassurance or love
– Cold-hearted, disingenuous compliments
– Not acknowledging their value and efforts
– Harsh words or the silent treatment
3. Acts of service
Dos:
– Using actions rather than words
– Being reliable & following through on promises
– Showing support in small, thoughtful ways
– Being spontaneous and surprising them
Don’ts:
– Not keeping your word & breaking commitments
– Ignoring or complaining when they ask for help
– Not appreciating their acts of service
– Seeing certain tasks as gender-specific
4. Physical touch
Dos:
– Initiating intimacy and affection
– Giving surprise back or foot massages
– Close physical contact e.g. hugging, kissing
– Walk-by touches / non-sexual touches
Don’ts:
– Waiting for them to show affection first
– Long periods without any type of intimacy
– Withholding affection after arguments
– Assuming they always want to be intimate
5. Receiving gifts
Dos:
– Gifting meaningful and thoughtful presents
– Small gestures when they’re feeling down
– Being intentional about important occasions
– Giving small “thinking of you” gifts
Don’ts :
– Assuming they’re being materialistic
– Forgetting birthdays or anniversaries
– Giving gifts out of obligation and duty
– Making it about the monetary value
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