Upfront Dispatches: Bob Chapek, Baby Yoda and “Bull****” at Disney

The future of Disney will be advertised, emphasis firmly on Disney.

This major shift from the past was apparent as the crowd shuffled into the Basketball City auditorium on Manhattan’s Lower East Side to a slideshow of imagery from the various corners of the portfolio: Disney+, Disney films, Disney parks, ESPN, Hulu, FX and even ABC. But, as one might imagine, a cast picture of Abbott Elementary is a tad underwhelming between shots of Baby Yoda and a black-and-white portrait of dear old Walt.

In the end, it was a wild two-hour affair. What started with corporate platitudes, quickly devolved into a relay of talent appearances from the likes of Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Steve Martin, Samuel L. Jackson, Ellen Pompeo, Kumail Nanjiani, Claire Danes and, in perhaps the least-Disney moment imaginable, Amy Schumer (Hulu’s Life and Beth) posing as the lost Kardashian sister and professing the following to Kris Jenner: “Coming out of your pussy was honestly the biggest honor of my life.”

“Disney,” as word or an entity, never figured so prominently during the TV industry’s annual pitch to advertisers. And Chapek was quick to note that this was a decidedly Disney affair. Coming out to an introduction from a disembodied voice that didn’t not sound like Michael Buffer, he dubbed his company “the most powerful force in the industry.”

“We shape global culture,” said the recently embattled executive. “We’ve repeatedly defined and redefined the entertainment landscape.”

And, during the week’s latest (though certainly not its last) jab at the volatile corporate landscape, Rice drew attention to the fact that his company is the one that does the acquiring. “The only studio started by an artist, and the only one that’s never been bought or sold in over a century,” said Rice, who himself came to Disney when it bought 21st Century Fox’s film and TV properties.

For all the talk of artists, however, the individual Disney brand that got the most airtime was actually ESPN. On the heels of major rights deals (the NHL, SEC and XFL), the sports platform sucked up well over a half-hour of the event — trotting out the Manning brothers, in a particularly funny bit that referred to Peyton exclusively as “Eli’s brother,” Tim Tebow and XFL co-owner The Rock.

By the time it came to talk about actually selling these people, projects and various platforms, those who stuck around — which was, admittedly, most everyone — were clearly only there for Kimmel. Ad boss Rita Ferro’s pitch didn’t even come until the 110-minute mark. “This has been the largest presentation we’ve ever had on this stage,” said Ferro. “We’ve been planning for this moment for years.”

Getting through the moment seemed to take equally as long, though it was worth it as soon as Kimmel, via Zoom, nudged Ferro off the stage before launching into his giddy and acerbic roast of the TV industry.

“Let’s have another round of applause for Rita,” said Kimmel, “The queen of bullshit.”