Ways to connect with an avoidant partner

In relationships, sometimes an anxious and an avoidant partner can get together. While an anxious partner keeps seeking attention and is emotionally dependent on the other person, it often takes a lot of time for the avoidant partner to come around to become emotionally available and be vulnerable. “If you are a self-identified pursuer (anxious) who chooses to be with a distancer (avoidant), it’s essential to learn how to navigate their need for space and difficulty expressing emotions. If you are a distancer, who chooses to partner with a pursuer, commit to understanding their need for closeness and connection,” wrote Therapist Jordan Dann.

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Jordan further explained ways by which we can connect with our avoidant partner:

Understand the dynamic: In order to connect with the other person, we have to be aware of the attachment style we have, and the part we play in the relationship dynamic. That will help us to get closer emotionally to the other person.

Challenges and flaws: Understanding the challenges and the flaws we have will further help us to make efforts correcting them. This will also help in deepening the relationship.

Partner’s early childhood: Avoidant partners have a certain attachment style because of the trauma they may have faced in their childhood. Knowing about their early childhood environment and what they went through will help us in understanding them with more compassion.

Embrace them: Letting them be themselves and creating a healthy space for the relationship will lead to the growth of a happy relationship.

Enhance positive interactions: Understanding their triggers and making efforts dodging them, and coming up with positive interactions that can make us and the partner feel happy and safe is important.

Boundaries: Learning about their boundaries and respecting them at all times will help in deepening the relationship.

Reduce negative emotions: When we make efforts in reducing negative emotions from the relationship dynamic, it automatically becomes a healthier space for vulnerability, connections and emotions.