Safety is a primary requirement in any relationship. A relationship is based on understanding each other, having trust on each other, and feeling safe around each other. The people involved in the relationship are responsible for making a safe and healthy space for each other to grow, evolve and thrive in the relationship. All of us deserve relationships where our boundaries are respected, where we feel safe at all times, and the space for growth is provided. However, in a lot of relationships, the primary sense is that of fear and misunderstanding. Often people walk on eggshells and compromise to make things work out even when the relationship is clearly toxic. How do we address that? How do we know if we are the safe people in a relationship? Therapist Sadaf Siddiqi addressed this and wrote, “Before you expect someone to be a safe person for you, ask yourself: am I a safe person for them? Self-awareness is key.”
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Sadaf further noted down a few ways to be a safe person in a relationship. Take a look:
Feedback: We should be open to taking feedback from the other person to understand how they are feeling in the relationship. We should also be able to make changes that are healthy for ourselves and our partners, without becoming defensive and angry.
Apologise: We should always be ready to take responsibilities for the mistakes that we have made. We should also be open to asking the partner about the kind of changes that we need to do to repair the relationship.
Permission: Sometimes all that our partner wants is not advice, but to be heard. So, if we are trying to provide them with advice, we should seek their permission first, on if they want it.
Understand: Being a good listener is a primary requirement in a healthy relationship. However, we should be careful to listen, in order to understand, and not just respond.
Presence: Being present in a relationship and having each other’s back is very important as it helps in growing trust and intimacy.
Questions: Assumptions and overthinking ruin a relationship. We should ask questions before assuming anything.
Empathy: Being compassionate and empathetic helps in creating better understanding and communication in the relationship.
Curiosity: Being curious about the partner’s needs, wants and expectations helps in having more clarity.
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