What it looks like to be brought up in a functional home

The emotions that we carry in our adult lives are a reflection of the way we were brought up in our homes when we were a child. When we are brought up in dysfunctional homes, we start to inculcate the feeling of walking on eggshells in our adult lives. We are also not able to take ownership of our mistakes and we try to avoid difficult situations and conversations – this creates a dent in the relationship and soon people get wary of us. However, the opposite situation is true as well. When we are brought up in healthy homes where we feel affection, security and functionality, we learn the values and skills required to navigate through life in a healthy way.

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Psychologist Nicole LePera shared an overview of what it looks like to be brought up in a functional and secure home. Here’s what it looks like:

Responsibility: We have grown up watching adults take responsibility for mistakes that they have made. Hence, this makes us want to be like them and inculcate that value in ourselves.

Emotional limits: One of the harmful traits of dysfunctional homes is that parents treat their children as grown-ups that they are not able to do the parenting themselves. However, in functional homes, parents know their emotional limits and give their children a happy childhood that they can cherish.

Validation: In functional homes, the adults keep a check on the emotions felt by the children and constantly validate them so that they never feel left out.

Healthy communication: Communication forms the basis of any healthy relationship – in secure homes, we are taught to communicate what we feel without the fear of being judged.

Gaslighting: When we talked about our emotions to our caregivers, we were not made to feel that our reality is not right.

Emotional climate: Usually in dysfunctional h0omes, the emotional climate is controlled by a single person. However, in secure hoes, people can feel different things at their own pace

Wrath: When we crossed a boundary, we were politely told not to repeat it again – we were not constantly in fear of facing wrath of the adults of the family.