What to do when ‘fun’ is a mandatory part of work

Q. My company has a summer barbecue picnic on a Saturday. An annual Sunday trip to the zoo with the entire family and our colleagues. A weekly meetup every Tuesday night on our patio to get to know each other. Stop the insanity! Do I really need to go to all of these forced activities? It feels like “mandatory” fun.

A. While I applaud your company for putting effort into time outside of work and planned activities, I hear your frustration. It can feel like you’re spending the majority of your personal time with your professional self and colleagues, knowing the working day already takes up a significant portion of your day.

No, you don’t need to go to every activity. I’m hereby giving you permission to not feel like you must attend every single one. But, I’d be strategic.

First, which activities are the most enjoyable? Which ones will you be able to make the most out of chatting with leadership and getting to know your colleagues better? Which ones will be really noticeable if you’re absent? The zoo outing is probably not that much of a big deal (and I’m assuming you won’t necessarily stay together as a group, you may get company T-shirts and free passes and then go your own way?), but a weekly patio meetup every now and then wouldn’t hurt, especially if your boss and others stop by. You don’t have to stay the entire time. They can be really good for mingling with higher ups and getting to know colleagues better.

That said, the main reason why I’m saying you don’t have to go to everything is because you probably won’t enjoy every event. Plus, your energy may be low or negative energy may be exuded, which can be worse than not attending.

At the end of the day, pick and choose to participate in what is truly mandatory, what is optional, and what you would enjoy the most. You may feel like once a week is your max — that’s fine. When you do attend, enjoy the events and lean into them.

Q. I asked my former boss to be a reference, she said yes, and then told me when the company I’m interviewing with reached out, she told them I needed to improve certain areas. I did not get the job. Should I find a new reference?

A. That’s unfortunate. I’d find a new reference like a former colleague/peer, vendor, client, etc. Your reference doesn’t have to be a boss.

Once you identify them, prepare them for the role. Tell them you’ll give them a heads up with the opportunity you’re interviewing for and who to expect a call from/which employer and more importantly, the job and the skills you’re emphasizing to land that specific role.

You may want to go the extra mile and give them overall suggestions of two or three of your strengths that align with the job you’re pursuing. And them to circle back to you after the conversation to let you know how it went.

One of the most important thing about references is keeping those relationships alive and well. Let’s say you get the job; thank all of your references, but be intentional about keeping in touch with them so they know they won’t only hear from you when you’re looking for a new job.

Vicki Salemi is a career expert, former corporate recruiter, author, consultant, speaker, and career coach. /Tribune News Service