When you’re a student estranged from family: how a uni is reaching out to help

During Melanie Sutton’s first term studying photography at the University of Portsmouth, it hit her that she wasn’t like the other students. “Around Christmas time, people started talking about going home, and earlier they’d been mentioning getting financial support from their families, and things like that. It became very apparent we were not in the same boat,” the 22-year-old says.

Sutton has been estranged from her family since she was 16 and almost didn’t go to university after struggling with her mental health at college. But when the Covid-19 pandemic wiped out her work as a dog walker, she decided to see how far she could take her love of photography. University has been something of a transition, she admits, but she’s been impressed by the level of support that’s been available to her.

“When I spoke to the finance department, they were so helpful,” she says. “At the end of the first year, I was struggling to pay a deposit for a house rental and they helped me set up a payback plan for the entire year. They’ve also connected me with people to talk to about my wellbeing, and there are housing and scholarship programmes.”

Estranged students are young people studying without the support and approval of a family network. According to the latest government statistics, there were almost 10,000 at English universities in the 2021/22 academic year. The reasons young people become estranged can vary. Research by the University of Cambridge found that emotional abuse is a key cause, and clashes of values and beliefs, or rejection of LGBTQ+ and transgender students, are common.

A 2015 study by Stand Alone, a charity that provides support to those estranged from their parents, found this group often felt unacknowledged and invisible while at university. Just over a quarter of participants (28%) said they did not feel comfortable accessing support, and 41% had considered withdrawing from their course due to money pressures, stress and/or mental health challenges.

The University of Portsmouth, which has 145 estranged students, was one of the first to sign the Stand Alone pledge in 2017. This asks institutions to provide support across four key impact areas – finance, accommodation, mental health and wellbeing, and outreach and transition. At Portsmouth, there’s a £1,000 bursary, guaranteed university accommodation all year round (meaning estranged students don’t have to move out in the holidays), a dedicated adviser for estranged students to contact throughout their studies, the Estranged Students Society, and bespoke social events at Christmas. There’s also help for covering graduation costs, and welcome packs with toiletries and bedding. In November 2022, the university won a Stand Alone pledge award for “best practice and innovation in support for mental health and wellbeing aimed at estranged students”.

Lucy Sharp, director of the department for curriculum and quality enhancement, who leads on student wellbeing for the university, says the feedback from students has been very positive. “We hear all the time that the support from the Stand Alone team is outstanding, whether it’s to do with financial or emotional support. One of the things they do is send Christmas cards and arrange social events, which some estranged students say helps them feel cared for and appreciated during what can be a lonely time.”

There’s also growing concern for the mental health and wellbeing of students as a whole, due to the impact of the Covid-19 pandemic and cost of living crisis. A poll of more than 12,200 students found that 81% were affected by mental health difficulties in 2022, compared with 60% in 2021. According to the Sutton Trust, which champions social mobility, one in four students are at risk of dropping out due to cost of living pressures, and others admit to skipping meals, cutting down on socialising and using less electricity or gas.

Sharp says wellbeing and learning go hand in hand – if one isn’t good it can impact on the other. “The effect of the pandemic on students has been far-reaching in terms of a disrupted education, limited opportunity to socialise and, of course, through loss and bereavement. Financial worries are a real concern, which is why our student finance team is a crucial cog in supporting all students, especially estranged students and those who have experienced the care system.”

At Portsmouth, welcome ambassadors are assigned groups of 15 new students, and they all meet online before term starts, helping to make the initial process of settling in easier.

More widely, there’s academic and pastoral support from personal tutors; specialist mental health and counselling support in the wellbeing team; financial support; and a disability team that helps students ask for reasonable adjustments. Plus there’s out-of-hours wellbeing support, and the WhatsUp app, which helps students reflect on their feelings and reach out for advice anonymously when they need to.

“Students come to university to study, but they’re also coming to live independently, and grow as young adults and individuals,” Sharp says. “They’ll have some struggles from time to time and they need to be able to access support to help them flourish and thrive. That support is available here, it’s free and it’s confidential.”

Sutton would urge all universities to think about putting bespoke provision in place for students who are estranged from their families, but to do so in collaboration with them directly. “There is no right way to support estranged students and there can be a lot of stigma. Get feedback, ask students what they need, think about finance and housing alongside mental health wellbeing. There’s definitely an increasing demand. I truly believe there’s at least one estranged student in every university. You don’t ever truly know someone’s story unless they tell you about it.”

Discover more about studying at the University of Portsmouth and the support it offers the student community