Why are so many women having unsafe anal sex?

When 26-year-old campaign manager Ellie first had anal sex, she was 22 years old. Her boyfriend (of the time) was really into it, and although she had reservations and knew very little about how it would be done and how it would feel, she wanted to please him.

“I was young, and I didn’t want to come across uncool,” she tells GLAMOUR. “I let him take control really as I knew nothing about [anal sex] and he’d seen a lot of porn and he was clearly confident.”

She continues, “I ended up quite injured and embarrassed, though. It just wouldn’t go in. He tried and tried, and I don’t know if I couldn’t relax properly or if I’d done something wrong, but it just didn’t happen.” 

Ellie says she could tell her now ex-boyfriend was disappointed, but they quickly moved on and watched a film. “I was so uncomfortable. I could feel a burning pain in and around my bum and I just kept trying to ignore it and watch the TV, but it was so painful it was like it was actually loud.” 

Ellie says she felt tender and sensitive around the area for around three days and experienced some light bleeding but she never spoke to a medical professional, nor her partner. “I didn’t tell anyone. I was so embarrassed. I especially didn’t want to tell [my boyfriend]. It was embarrassing enough not being able to do it. I didn’t want him to also have to take me to hospital.” She’s not attempted anal sex since, feeling “completely put off” by this experience. 

The popularity of anal sex is on the rise. Whether it’s exposure on shows like Fleabag, Sex And The City and Girls, or the abundance of anal sex in pornography positioned like an obvious course in the everyday person’s sex menu, we’re big into butt sex now.

Anal sex was long considered an activity for homosexual, and bisexual men, particularly as [cisgender] men have a prostate in their anus, which stimulates orgasm. But research from the National Survey of Sexual Attitudes shows that people of all genders and all sexualities are into it. They found that the proportion of 16 to 24-year-olds engaging in heterosexual anal intercourse in Britain has risen from 12.5% to 28.5% over recent decades. And across the pond, 30% to 45% of Americans have performed anal sex at some point.

Evan Goldstein, renowned anal surgeon and founder of sexual health practice Bespoke Surgical, tells GLAMOUR: “We’re seeing more and more people of all sexual identities enjoying the pleasures it provides. Having another sexual activity to add to your repertoire heightens not only your own body awareness and orgasms, but also increases the satisfaction for your partner(s).”  

He adds that anal sex may be growing in popularity more rapidly in recent years because, the more we talk about anal sex and the more we’re exposed to it, the more we start to build interest in safely exploring anal play of all kinds, whether that’s with fingers, toys, or pegging. 

“It’s not a coincidence that we are also seeing anal sex being represented in pop culture, whether that’s on The White Lotus, Broad City, or Uncoupled, which helps normalise anal pleasure, slowly breaking down the stigma and/or bias that once surrounded the topic,” he explains.