You be the judge: should my housemate stop flushing tampons down the toilet?

The prosecution: Jeremiah

It’s disgusting to see tampons floating in the loo, and our sewers can’t handle them

Maura and I have lived together for three years. We are housemates and best friends, but she flushes her tampons down the loo and it frustrates me. Occasionally they don’t flush and I see them when I use the bathroom.

Maura is apologetic when they don’t flush, but also says I shouldn’t tell her whether or not to flush her tampons. Other women I know are mainly on my side about this, but when the subject has been discussed in front of Maura and her two sisters, they say: “No womb, no say.”

This has been going on for the whole three years we’ve lived together, and Maura doesn’t budge or admit she’s in the wrong. She won’t stop doing it. It’s a bit disgusting to look at when they are in the toilet. When I see them I joke to her: “Guess what I’ve found floating in the loo?”

I think: why not wrap them up and put them in the bin, as that’s how I’m told most women deal with them. But Maura thinks that’s more unhygienic. The heart of my prosecution, though, actually concerns the environment. Our old Victorian sewers can’t handle tampons. I also go swimming in the river, and, when it rains, raw sewage can overflow into it. The thought of swimming beside a load of tampons is gross.

In general, Maura is the tidy one and does more of the cleaning. I am super aware about that gender disparity and that makes me less inclined to pull her up on this, as usually I am the one being pulled up for my habits. As a man, who doesn’t get periods, I sometimes wonder if Maura has a point about the tampons, given all the housework she does.

When I asked Maura about giving readers their say on this matter, she asked about the anonymity of the piece. This suggests to me that she knows she is guilty but doesn’t care enough to change. I’m hoping everyone will agree with me on this. I don’t have a problem with seeing tampons in general, and believe that they should be more normalised in society – I just don’t need to see them floating in the toilet.

The defence: Maura

It’s my job to take the bins out – and handling used tampons makes me feel sick

Jeremiah and I have been friends for nine years and have lived together for the last three. I’d say we are best friends. We get on really well as housemates, but when it comes to the tampons I agree with my sisters when they say: “No womb, no say.”

He doesn’t understand what it’s like to have a period, so I don’t really want to debate this issue with him in the first place. However, my main point of defence is that I would never deliberately leave tampons in the loo, but the flush in our toilet isn’t great, so sometimes it just happens. Jeremiah likes to dance around and shout whenever he finds a tampon floating in our loo. It’s become this debate because he’s made it into a big deal.

The first time he brought it up was in front of my sisters. I reckon that Jeremiah thought they were going to take his side, but in fact they didn’t because they are fiercely loyal to me. I do have a bit of an issue with Jeremiah taking the piss out of me about all this because I already feel shame and embarrassment. His jokes just add to the fuss of having a period. I think that looking at used tampons is gross, so I feel even more embarrassed when Jeremiah sees mine floating in the loo.

I also have an issue with Jeremiah’s complaints because I do way more of the housework than he does, which he admits. I like to keep things clean, whereas he’s just not as on it. It is always my job to take the bins out, so I’m less keen on leaving tampons in the bin as this makes me feel a bit sick. I would much rather flush them away than have to see them again.

On the issue of toilet waste leading to fatbergs in the sewers, I agree that it is really bad. But since Jeremiah has never had a period, can he really say much on this? I have also told him before that I make sure to buy organic, compostable tampons, as these are much better for the environment. I don’t want to stop flushing my tampons away, and think Jeremiah should not bring it up every time he sees one.

The jury of Guardian readers

Should Maura stop flushing tampons?

I can’t get my head around Maura’s point of view. I would never dream of flushing a tampon down the toilet – not only because of the effect on the environment but also the effects on my own toilet. Who wants a blocked-up loo?! What a strange and selfish thing to do – poor Jeremiah.
Hannah, 30

Sure, maybe Maura could double-check whether it has flushed (although double flushing is also bad for the environment), but it isn’t worth shaming Maura for her periods, which are natural and normal. I wonder if he reacts the same towards residual loo roll?
Hadia, 29

“No womb, no say” really doesn’t apply here; the toilet getting clogged up is a problem for everyone. Sure, we’ve all forgotten to throw away used sanitary products from time to time, but there’s a relatively easy compromise – Maura should throw her tampons in the bin, and Jeremiah should step up and take the bins out.
Georgina, 25

Simply for environmental reasons, Jeremiah is right. However, as a compromise Jeremiah could offer to do the rubbish and take on more cleaning in exchange for Maura putting her tampons in the bin.
Sam, 44

Maura is in the wrong. This is unsightly and bad for the environment. Periods are normal and in no way disgusting, but used sanitary products are not the most pleasant things to see. Wrap them up, put them in a sanitary bag and place in the bin. Womb or not, it’s just not right.
Caitlin, 23

Now you be the judge

In our online poll below, tell us: should Maura use the bin, rather than the loo, to get rid of her tampons?

The poll closes at 10am BST on Thursday 20 July

Last week’s result

We asked whether Penelope should stop using her coffee-tainted teaspoon when making Ellis’s tea.

94% of you said yes – Penelope is guilty

6% of you said no – Penelope is innocent