A half-century isn’t a bad score: Charles Assisi on turning 50

It took a while for that to sink in. Wasn’t it just yesterday that we lounged about, the coolest teens around? We felt so grown-up when we graduated, and got our first jobs. The tears when the first paycheque arrived… it all still feels so fresh.

We’ve barely finished repaying the loans on our first homes. How did all this time pass without us noticing?

Looking back, the Class of ’93 has witnessed many boom-and-bust cycles. There was the dot-com hype of the mid-1990s, when we had just entered the workforce; the global economic meltdown led by the Lehman Brothers crash of 2008. Those were the days when I addressed people who had turned 50 as “Uncle”. Have I come of “Uncle” age?

The truth is, 50 doesn’t seem as old as it once did. In fact, I think better, work smarter, and participate in more physically gruelling events than when I was younger. Sure, the work-hard-party-harder lifestyle is out. Perhaps I’ve grown wiser, about many things. I know, for instance, that booms don’t last. What goes up must come down.

From this follows the lesson that loss is integral to life. And from there, the wisdom that one must find ways to accept loss. There are invariably setbacks in a career. Incomes will take a bit. There are phases when outflows of money are higher than anticipated and plans that were dear to the heart must be laid aside, perhaps to be picked up another day.

While on the subject of loss, this is that age when most of us first begin to experience death up close. Our parents start to grow old, have close brushes, or pass away. It starts to sink in how significant, and how transitory, their presence always was.

One begins to questions whether all the energy spent clambering up the ladder is quite worth the things one loses sight of.

As we near 50, the offspring typically start to strike out on their own. They begin to dream, aspire, make the kinds of mistakes youngsters have always made. I’m beginning to learn the hard way that it’s better to let them stumble, even fall. It’s how we learnt; it’s the only way to learn. One starts to appreciate how hard this stage of parenting can be; how hard it must have been for our parents.

In this phase of life, marriages can take more work too. Some couples drift apart over the years. We forget we got together for a reason. We even forget some of the things we learnt early on: That a relationship takes work; that love is a key ingredient, but it’s not the only one.

So, from a man about to turn 50, here’s a little advice. No matter where you are in your timeline, look around you and take stock of what matters. Take stock of what’s working and what isn’t. Be honest. Be brutal. Is this the relationship you want? The job you want?

A good life takes effort, a bit of luck, love and companionship. But more than anything, it takes vigilance. If you haven’t figured what you want yet, ask the hard questions. Take the leap. You will not land softly every time. So learn to let go.

Be kind to others and to yourself, because no one has all the answers.

And when an old friend calls, make the time. I’ll be going on that road trip with Ricky. Happy birthday, buddy.

(The writer is co-founder at Founding Fuel & co-author of The Aadhaar Effect)