DEAR HARRIETTE: I am probably what is called a high-functioning alcoholic.
I drink a lot — both with others and on my own. I do my job well, and I handle my business. Sometimes I am groggy during the day if I drank too much the night before, but mostly I manage just fine.
I was looking at my credit card statement recently and realized that I spent a lot of money last month on booze. That kind of alerted me to my reality.
I’m sure my drinking is not good for my health, but I haven’t really been able to stop on my own.
Since I don’t seem to be bothering anybody with it, does it even matter? I like to drink. My life is fine. Should I just leave well enough alone?
— Drinker
DEAR DRINKER: You have brought this up because on your own you have recognized that you drink too much. You don’t have to be a problem for other people to notice that your behavior is unhealthy for you.
Give yourself credit for being aware of your situation. Chances are, there are issues you aren’t dealing with in your life that drinking helps to mask.
Your next step should be to get help. You can select a therapist who specializes in addictive behavior who can listen to you and help you unpack your situation and figure out a healthy way forward.
You may also want to join Alcoholics Anonymous. This organization creates safe spaces for people to gather and talk about their addiction and support each other on their road to recovery.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I haven’t talked to my siblings in years. The last time we spoke, they were all just grabbing for money.
I have a lucrative career, unlike the rest of them. They were insistent that I should supplement their lives because I can afford to do so. Never mind that they seem to have no motivation to improve their lives, except to insist that I do it for them.
I got tired of that and cut ties with them.
But recently I learned that one of my siblings is unwell. I don’t want to be estranged from them. I would like to be in touch, but I don’t want to have to be the bank for them. How should I handle this?
— Sibling Rivalry
DEAR SIBLING RIVALRY: Reach out to the sibling who is sick to see what’s going on. With no agenda other than learning about their health, be open to a conversation where anything goes.
Don’t bring up old hurts. Stay focused on the present. Listen to learn what’s going on with them. You do not have to get involved in the payment side of their care.
If you do want to help out financially, decide in advance what you are willing and able to offer. That way, you do not have to get into the weeds of their finances. You can simply offer what you have allocated and leave it at that.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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