Lottie Moss: ‘OnlyFans makes me feel empowered and safe, so why am I constantly shamed for it?’

Over the years that followed, there were occasional fun times, but most of the time, it was a very dark place to be. I was forced to do jobs with brands I didn’t want to work for because the money was ‘too good’. I wanted to cry when I didn’t fit into the clothes on shoots because I wasn’t sample size. I’d cry on set when I felt too uncomfortable, and they’d just patch up my makeup. I never received the support I needed from the people who were meant to be taking care of me. The attitude was more, ‘put a plaster over the problem and keep her working; ply her with alcohol or whatever to keep her going’, rather than, ‘OK, maybe this girl needs help.’

As the pressure from the industry became unbearable, I fell into a deep depression. I didn’t want to show up for work; I couldn’t. And I got blamed for it. ‘Other girls would die to be in your position,’ my agents would tell me. ‘You’re being so ungrateful’. I wanted to scream. Somewhere along the line, I just completely lost myself, and I had a mental breakdown.

So, in April 2021, I decided to take a step back from modelling. I was living with my best friend Sahara Ray in Los Angeles at the time, and she was doing OnlyFans. I’d never met someone who was so open and free with their body, who wasn’t being pressured and could work on their terms. We started doing nude shoots together, and then we started inviting other girls over to create content with us too. We would set up the shoot and make sets for them, we’d sit and chat and shoot together. We were all taking our clothes off and running round, and everyone felt comfortable and safe. It’s amazing what you can do when it’s just all women in the house. I remember thinking, why can’t the rest of the world be like this?

I was making good money from OnlyFans almost immediately. I don’t want to say how much, there’s a lot of information out there about how much girls earn, but it wasn’t about that for me. For me, it was about finding something where I could finally be myself and not only feel comfortable – which I hadn’t at work for so long – but feel empowered, too. The modelling industry is so glamourised and OnlyFans is so villainised, yet OnlyFans is the only place I’ve felt this empowered and safe.

But when it was announced that I was doing OnlyFans, I got ripped apart by the press. There were headlines saying I’d ‘hit rock bottom’ because I couldn’t get modelling work. After that, I was fired from my collaboration with PacSun, I was axed from my agency, and everyone I’d worked with in modelling just dropped off. It had a huge impact on me, and I didn’t anticipate just how much my life was going to change. I’d gone from working non-stop in an intense industry I’d been in since I was 16, to doing OnlyFans and not only getting no support from those around me, but being ridiculed and shamed for it. I started to feel depressed and anxious again. It wasn’t long until I couldn’t get out of bed, and would numb my anxiety with drugs and alcohol. And that’s why I checked myself into rehab earlier this year in February.