I really want to make it clear that I never felt any sort of anger or hatred towards her (the new woman in his life); she was sort of just like a bat that I could use to beat myself with – everything I felt insecure about, all the reasons I could imagine that he had decided he didn’t want me, I now had a perfect example of someone who I could tell myself was the opposite. She was right, and I was wrong, and it had been proved. It is irrational and embarrassing and honestly a little uncomfortable to share, but it is also honest, and there is always merit in honesty.
I think existing in a public space since the age of fifteen has no doubt warped the way I see myself, and as much as I so firmly believe that your body is the least interesting thing about you, as a young woman in an industry so concerned with youth, image, and desirability, it’s been hard not to constantly fix that lens on myself. I really want to implore anyone reading this that you are more than the body you exist in, but whilst I absolutely know that, I also believe that music is an art form for expressing all thoughts, even the ugliest, most flawed ones.
Steve Jennings
So I wrote this song, about vulnerability and how it stings when it’s used against you – about my relationship with my body. And I wrote it without thinking anyone would ever hear it, because that’s how all the most candid songs are written. Now it is being heard, and it feels very strange – kind of like sending that bitter and twisted text you drafted at 3am one night, to someone who is now more of a stranger than anything else. It was healing to write it, and I hope it’s healing to hear it – honesty is difficult, but worthwhile, and I hope this song shows that.
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